Redneck Sensitivity Training Part 2.

First off, if you're an English teacher or anyone else who cares about writing being orderly...get lost...I'm serious. All you've gotta do is read this post  and you'll probably get lost. Today I'm feeling inspiration to write, but have no inspiration for how to organize my writing. So I'm not.

The reason I'm writing this post is that rednecks cook, cyclists cook, and even fashion aficionados cook, not to mention home-skoolers. Rednecks cook cause they're hungry and ma went to town, so they whip up a batch of chocolate chip cookies (nobody mentioned that you actually bake them). Cyclists cook for two reasons. They burn a lot of calories riding their bikes all day, which makes them eat so much nobody else wants to cook for them. Or, it's the off season and they're trying to keep their form, so they eat so little that they want it to taste really good. Thus, they make gourmet-ish food for themselves. And as for fashion aficionados, looking good will get you the girl, but cooking for her keeps her (if you're good that is). Home-skoolers cook cause, well if you do your skool at home there are certain things you learn pretty well. Suffice to say, I cook (part of this also has to do with two sisters who make you learn how to do it).

Some things I learned the hard way while cooking are. Don't mess with yeast. This sounds simple, however yeast sneaks up on you. You're doing your geometry homework and think to yourself, "I want something circular, like a donut." So you look through the cookbook and find a recipe for donuts. Got the ingredients? Check. Got the time? Check. Half an hour later you notice is says something about it taking an hour to rise. You take a closer look and sure enough not only is there yeast in the recipe, it also has to rise for an hour twice, and it hast to be refrigerated for four hours. Hmm,  I guess their estimated time only includes the time which they think you'll spend mixing stuff up.

Also, frozen bread heats a lot faster in a microwave than frozen vegetables. I needed to thaw out some dinner rolls and was like, "this much frozen corn would take about eight minutes to heat, so I'll give the rolls five minutes and see how they come out." At four minutes I saw smoke pouring out of the microwave, so I killed it. For weeks afterward anything you heated in that microwave had a "smoked" flavor.

People are lying when they say, "just do this" and then give you a set of directions for how to fix up some filet minion or something. What they mean is just do what I told you and about ten other things anybody, but a total idiot would know to do. What they are unaware of is...they're talking to that total idiot. Seriously why would you turn on the oven before you put the cookies in?=These cookies are well, um very doughy. When it said "punch the dough," I thought it actually meant for me to "punch the dough"=You could call this Chevy Bread it's "like a rock." You actually put flour on your hands, before working the dough?=Help! I can't get my hands out of this dough! You put butter in the pan before you fry the eggs?=I think you're gonna need to use the pan for you plate...and sorry about it being a little black.

For the record though: I have better than a 50% success rate for cooking projects, I have never caused food poisoning (unlike some people working in the kitchen at a camp I was at...), I absolutely love chocolate chip cookies (my birthday is on friday...and if you email me I'll send you my address...), I have made baked donuts, fried donuts, and pretzels (they all tasted good...and had yeast in them), and I don't really enjoy cooking.