I Don't

"I love the way you look, I love the way you awkwardly flirt, I love the way you kiss me...but do I love you? I don't. Sometimes I start to think I do; in that I'd move across the country to be with you, but what does that really mean? If there was a day you didn't look like a girl on the cover of Vogue, you awkwardly flirted with the guy next to me, and you kept your kisses to yourself? I'd leave, I'd be angry, a little bitter, but would I still hope to see you, to hear your words each morning? No, I don't love you. I love you loving me, but I can't reciprocate. So leave me...leave me now and be free of my love of your love. Find a love that is mutual, not like a bank, but like the mutual love of that couple in the corner booth every morning who still gaze into each other's eyes."

It was not an easy conversation to have. I'd not slept the entire night, working up the nerve, the sheer stupidity to say the truth.

Would her stunned silence ever end? I had said all these words while looking into her eyes. She didn't even seem to blink for fear of letting loose a torrent of tears.

"I...I understand," she halted. "I wish I couldn't, I wish I had no concept of what you were saying...it's not what I wanted you to say this morning."

As I sat there I tried to feel emotion; sorrow, regret, anything but the freeing relief of brutal honesty.

"Would you like anything else?" interupting our fragile balance of interaction, the waitress seemed impatient with my half-second of sheer surprise.

"A piece of blueberry pie would be good, thanks."

Reaching into my pocket I slid out my wallet, dropping a twenty on the table which more than covered our small half eaten plates of breakfast. She finally cracked, the tears washing her perfect make-up off in pale streaks.

There was nothing left to say. Standing, I placed my hand on her shoulder, "I'm sorry. I hope you enjoy the pie."

The door swung slowly and then seemed to release and slam at the last moment. It was not satisfying, but it was sure, on the cusp of, but lacking the quality of being resolute.